non-dancing fool

What a weekend of busy-ness. so much going on this weekend that i didn't even have time to watch any movies i really wanted to watch.

FRIDAY
Evening at the park
I love the girls in our ward, they are so much fun and they are quite active. tonight we got invited to have a birthday party/bbq for a few girls in the ward. We met at sugarhouse park and had a nice time visiting. no one brought any games, we spent most of the time talking, eating, and watching our waistlines grow. very fun evening, except for the exploding firewood. luckily no casualties. I gave up my chance to see the movie UP to go to the party, it was well worth my time.

SATURDAY morning
run
I had run thursday evening to get in some heat training and about died. usually i can get 6 to 8 miles without any water, during the cold or early morning, before i get dehydrated enough to need water. On thursday i ran 3 miles and was out, by my 4th mile i was about to drop, It wasn't that hot about 85, but because i ran most of the winter outdoors, my body was used to the cooler weather and worked like crazy to keep my body temp from overheating. this morning, i got about mile 2 and felt dizzy, saw stars and about freaked, i walked a bit, and kept going when i got my faculties back. I got to my 5th mile and i felt better, but my knee started to hurt again, so pulled back my pace. by mile 6 i called it and went home. transitions are always difficult, though i'm glad to run without having on my arctic gear, too much heat can be very hard. Still, it was a pleasant morning and just glad i didn't keel over.

temple
Our ward had a temple sealing session this morning also. I had not done a sealing session since my last day on my mission in the phillipines. But it was a great experience and convinced me all the more, no matter how great the lady is, I will marry only in the temple, not just for myself, but the benefit of our marriage, for the benefit of our children. I want my children to be born under the covenant, so when we teach them of temple marriage and keeping the commandments, we might set an example for them that has meaning, hopefully, helping them in their own choices to follow heavenly Father's plan and also marry in the temple. As i Knelt at the altar and helped to do this work for the departed, i could feel the spirit of their acceptance of this wonderful gift, that children can be sealed to their parents, that husband and wife can be sealed not just for time, but also for all eternity. this is one of the most beautiful teachings that the church has, and to be part of that, is amazing, a unique blessing from heaven.

SATURDAY night
truck pickup
I've been so fortunate to have the use of Adrian's truck to do my dances. I have enough equipment that a truck is very necessary. I don't mind the drive to provo to pick it up. I enjoy the drive down, as long as the traffic isn't too bad. Still, the highway brings out the crazies, people who think they can drive, but very clearly don't. my biggest concern are the slow guys who travel in the fast lane and don't move over when they have a whole train of people following after them. it is an unwritten road rule that people in that lane as a courtesy should move over and allow people to get by them. Not enough people do that. why is it so hard for people to just be nice. I was just thankful and blessed to get off the highway without incident.

thedance
I was dj'ing a dance, at the parley's stake building. first dance in a while, not since january, but this was a tri-ward dance and so expecting a crowd. I had purchased a new light and a new stand. plus a new fog machine. I didn't use it much that night since i didn't want to set off the fire alarms. still, we moved the dj stand to the west end middle of the floor, which i loved, it helped me not to use so much of my amp to travel the length of the floor and the subs on the floor absolutely added bass to the floors vibrations. Before i started i said a prayer to help me with the dance. Dances for large groups are often difficult because so many people attend with a large variety of tastes in music. thankfully i was able to get a mix together that people enjoyed, Heaven does answer prayers. It was a fun night overall, Teresa kept me on my toes with my music selection, and for the most part, it looked as though people enjoyed themselves. People kept asking me when i was going to get out on the dance floor, i couldn't i needed to concentrate on the music, to keep it flowing. I ran and got some watermelon, on the way i danced with teresa for like 30 seconds, then back to the music, so i did dance, however briefly. I didn't play all the songs i wanted, but i think we played the songs everyone needed. it was a fun night. I didn't get to bed until 2am, after i had gotten all my equipment loaded and put away, i think i might need to look for help with this. just takes time and takes a tremendous amount of effort to get everything setup and taken down. still, it was worth it to see them enjoy themselves, and hopefully there were some hookups tonight. time will tell. Heaven answered my prayers about the music.

SUNDAY
church choir practice
I had gotten up early this morning to take my cousins truck back to him so when i got back it was almost 9, i still needed to put the ward email announcements out and get ready, I needed to clean up after the dance as my apartment was quite the mess. somehow i got it done. and got to choir practice on time. we are learning two songs, and we had the stake choir director, sister bennion come and direct us. The songs are coming along and I love how she directs us, to sing and remember the words we have available. had a good number attending, It was a great moment. I love singing, i'm a baritone, can't go too high, can't go too low, just right smack dab in the middle. it suits me. my tone is coming along, need to work on improving my strength, my volume and other dynamics that help a singer express the feelings of his heart. when i sing, i find comfort to my soul that helps me feel that i can be a better man.

heaven visits
For the second week in a row, Janna has come to church. and each time, she throws me into a fit of sorts. After her last email to me expressing the non-feelings for me and her giving her affections to another, i was much inclined not to speak to her for fear of making a fool of myself. I had expressed to her how much i had admired her and loved being with her, then to be turned away so abruptly, my heart was still in shambles. today was no exception, typically a girl distracting me is very normal, but she was heavenly this day. she wore a red dress i had never seen her wear before, I cannot express her gentle beauty. the fact she sat almost right in front me made her hard not to notice, i did everything to keep from getting eye contact with her. I kept my eyes in my cebuano book of mormon for most of the meeting. I couldn't help noticing everything about her. she cut her hair, she's more tanned. She was a vision. I don't know why she's here. She should be back east with her new boyfriend. I can't speak to her, it's hard enough to see her and i get all a-twitter. What makes it more difficult, is that I felt her spirit. and she touched mine in a way that few have ever done. that has made it hard to move on. but i know I need to. Why invest in something when the return is nothing, she feels nothing for me, there is no expected future prospects. yet, why am i so inclined to her. It might have helped to not have had that dream about her. I figure, i have two options. the only ways i have to be cured of her bewitchment over me. leave her be, she will meet the man she should marry, thus breaking my heart further, no, destroying it so that from it's ashes, might spring anew some other emotion, some other dream to follow. she needs to get married so that the virtues i honor and posses about marriage, will forever remove my hope of ever being with her. she will be happy, she'll have a solid home. she'll do fine without me. but still the hope i still bear, torments me. I long to be with her, yet cannot, to touch her hand, to dance with her. to see her smile. so much i don't know about her. it is hope that maybe some how something will change and she might want to be with me. But i am wrong, how can i think that, when she so clearly wrote me off as someone she could not love. later that night. i knelt in prayer, i thanked my Father in Heaven, for seeing her despite the difficulty of my pain. Seeing her is always a blessing, and that is something i should always be thankful for. i need to find hope in another dream.