Bear Lake Half

I ran the Bear lake half marathon this weekend.

drive up
The drive up takes just over 80 minutes to get to logan, another 40 minutes to get to bear lake. I was careful to get my hotel room first so that i could get the cheaper rate. this year there were plenty of rooms available. They build a new marriott down the street i was certain was taking up more customers. Still, Going up the canyon this year at least was more familiar and was so afraid of all the twists and turns.

green forest green everything
So much rain has fallen over the past few months. So amazing, i will always look at rain as a blessing. This year the foliage was amazing, pure, pull of life. every plant and tree, looked greener, fuller. as though they basked in the joy of natures bounties. I almost ran off the road several times gazing at the beauty. I love the rain for that reason, that it is a source of life. I have a problem with weather men and their assessment of rain as bad weather and how quickly they change when it doesn't rain enough, they call it dire and horrible at that point, that the heavens are closed, yet when it rains again, they call it bad again. Why is it so hard for people to see the good in what God has blessed them with. We live in a desert, rain is a blessing. always will be, even the mountains agree with me.

good run.
Got up at 4:15am to drive to bear lake to get on the bus. they had them there already when i got there at 5:20. didn't leave till 5:50, then got to the location early and waited until 7:30 before they actually started the run. not sure why they waited to long, they changed the course a bit this year just extended it up along the lake a bit more. they capped the race at 400 people and it sold out quickly. much like Ogden, which sold out in feb, this one also sold out quickly. everthing started out fine. the change in altitude didn't affect me until 3rd mile, but just one of those things that you just have to press on with. there were plenty of mosquitoes and storm clouds. they also had plenty of wind and it was very cold. these were perfect conditions. my knee started hurting at mile 5, just a little but enough to have me slow down. i started up the hill and at around mile 8 it hurt again, but this time wouldn't go away. still i kept going.

new friends
one thing i love about running in these races are the people I get to meet along the way. Sometimes they are friendly others just ignore you, which is ok. rude, but ok. met a girl named emily at the start, her first half. She was nice, great her husband was going to meet her at the end. great to have a goal to run for. then bruce. i met him before, great guy, he was running and he has a great stride, much faster than I. another gentleman, 72 years old, runnig his 7th half marathon for the year. This was my 7th half over all. i was impressed with him. we talked alot along the way. infact he helped me finish. another girl i didn't get her name, but she helped me up the hill. She was also in her first half marathon, came up from Orem. getting married in August, very nice, talking with her helped me through the hill and the pain.

finish in style
My knee hurt so badly at mile 12, but wasn't about to stop, i slowed but i kept going, by then the altitude got back to me, my muscles needed oxygen, not enough at that altitude, but i pushed forward. i could see the finish line and tried to hide my limping, and finished in style, which means i wasn't grimacing, wasn't showboating, just kept a strong stride and finished. Felt great, as all finishing lines feel to cross, felt great. my favorite part, is just after wards, that feeling that i had done it, and can restnow. can't wait to run next year.

sore evening
Because of how i pushed it toward the end, my knee rebelled. after my long drive home, i could barely walk, in fact bending my knee wasn't possible. so walking up the stairs, one step at at time hurt badly. i stretched, got some ibuprofen and rested. later i went to a party at Rachel's house, alot of great people and they are great friends. I left because of the soreness. just relaxed in my pain for the evening.

sunday rain.
Got up sunday morning, pain decreased by about 90 percent. it was a little tight, but i could walk without wincing. the rains came again. the trees around my condo are so full of leaves and a rich green color. amazing. i love mornings like these.

church again
Church was great. Rachel, other rachel got released from Relief Society. She was in that calling for a long time. Rachel is timeless and beautiful. I'm glad she's my friend. They were refinishing the gym floor and so we couldn't fit the people we needed inside. so they had people sit in the choir seats, chairs in the aisles and all outside in the foyer. i was asked to pass the sacrament, which is always an honor. i saw that jana again visited, this time with her boyfriend from back east. I don't know why she is coming here, she has her own ward, my guess is to show him off. so not the people i thought she was. I know that they had broken communication for whatever reason, i know that is why she was visiting the ward. then she had rich last week. perhaps getting cozy. my own reasoning, he came back to utah, to make amends. she took him back. She was very cozy in his arms. She seems happy. even if i don't like it, if she's happy, then that's the way it's going to be. I know in my dream, everything so far, has come true about her and with him. all i have to do is stay away, i have a promise from the Lord she'll be ok. I will keep away and i'll be ok with it, later when i got home, i felt the peace and joy of the spirit move me so deeply, i'm fine, i can move on, it'll be ok. my time will come when i hope to find a righteous woman i can take to the temple and be married. I look forward with hope to that day. i'll keep hoping and not lose myself to despair. my race isn't over yet.

Stake Conference Weekend

So much going on this weekend

party dusty
My friend Angela organized a group of us to go to this gaming place called Boondocks. Sounded like fun to i went. They had all sorts of video games, lazer tag, gocarts, miniature golf, water rides, hitting cages. it was a fun place. we had a group deal and a large number of us went. Problem was the weeather, earlier in the day a large low pressure system came through and just lifted dust from the desert and covered the sky with a cloudy mist of dirt and gunk. This made it hard to play minature golf, especially the cross breeze it was creating, still it was fun and i totally kicked but playing ms pacman.

salsa dancing
I left the above activity early to go salsa dancing. I find i am actually improving on my salsa moves, especially leading. I do get a lot of complements on that fact i lead very well. i blame my ballroom background on this. It does make it easy to work with a lady when they know what you are going. It was a fun night. i honestly have more fun watching, because there are so many different styles of salsa alot of dancers have their own take on the moves they do and can get rather creative. I usually just dance with girls from my class, easier to work with them when they are on the same level i am. i need to learn more dance moves. i left after the tango presentation, i sat on the floor and this girl named sasha sat next to me. i let her know i thought she was a great dancer, which she was, she had been dancing salsa for 3 years now, she moved over from the east coast to be near her friends. she is very pretty and nice enough to chat. maybe one day i'll be on her level of dancing. not that night.

morning run
got up about 5:15am to get my run in. again, a beautiful morning. the gunk from friday was completely gone and the air was clean. i ran my 7 mile course near cottonwood high school. i run near this house i never noticed had flowers, and they were in blossum this morning, just beatuiful and i couldn't stopmyself from keeping my pace, i had to observe this site. i love that about running. so many things i hadn't noticed before. well, got to my 8th mile and my knee started hurting, but kept going, just slowed a bit, got to mile 9 and called, so did a run walk on my warm down, still got in my 10 miles, but i feel like a slacker, with my knee hurt, not sure how well i'm going to run next weeks half marathon. I will try to do my best, don't want to back out now.

morning choir practice
I ran early this morning so i might catch our 2 hour stake choir practice, i like sister bennion, she's an amazing woman. I like how she brings us all together and she has a certain style about her in presenting her music. So much passion in her attention and i love her method of instruction. such a great woman. we sang two songs. behold the woulds in jesus hands, and Redeemer of israel. both good songs, in fact we have a male split and we baritones actually get a change to sing out. It was a great practice.

evening session
our visiting authority is elder m. russell ballard of the quorum of the twelve apostles. He spoke about teaching the principles of the gospel and the inpact that will have on those around us if we can just get the basics down. he spoke of how people need to be able to teach these things if we are to be effective in our membership. great evening, i ended this with a peach sundae from Arctic circle. i tradition i learned from the edwards family and still carry on today even though it is by myself, so many things i appreciate them teaching me. they will always be wonderful to me.

movie UP
earlier in the day i went to watch the movie up. such a great movie. i give it 4 thumbs up. my two thumbs and my 2 big toes. great movie, good plot, great tension and a wonderful message. my favorite part is the scenes with him and his wife. i think that is how love is, like the kid in the movie, he said i know it's boring, but i think that is what makes it work it, the boring stuff we have every day that makes like amazing with someone else. paraphrased. they spoke of adventure and how the two had an amazing adventure. i dream of that day. when i'll have my adventure with someone else, to live our lives together and teach our children great things, to fill our lives with the joys the gospel can bring. I love that movie, can't wait to either watch it again, or by the dvd when it comes out.

early morning sunday practice
one last practive and everything i thought went great, it was very rainy this morning as a cold front had come in. there was snow in the upper elevations and that rarely happens, snow in june. but this is utah and the weather is strange. sister bennion finished our practice with her testimony, what an amazing woman, i'm glad to know her.

closing session
all our singing went great. our stake president talked about discipleship, how there are disiples, such as the apostles, and disciples who are followers of christ. that we can be better at the way we live our lives in keeping his commandments and serve the best ways we can. president sorenson spoke on hands. how so many times in the scriptures hands reveal so much, in service, in giving blessings, in work, so important in our happiness. and then elder ballard, pointed his message on how we need to be quiet, how we get so involved in activities and distractions that we miss the important things, the spiritual things, that we need to endure and keep the commandments regardless the adversity. He spoke of a time he gave a blessing to a young girl who had a terminal illness, a family had asked him to come and bless her. he spoke with them and found they had great faith as a family and in the power of the temple. when he gave his blessing, the words to heal her didn't come. i'm sure he wanted to, but it wasn't according to the Lords' will. i've had to give a blessing like that. where the spirit said, it was his time, he was older, not young like this lady, but we blessed him that the pain would leave him and he would leave in a manner that wouldn't hurt him. it was a hard blessing, i know how the apostle felt. at the end we sang the song of jesus and beholding his wounds. the spirit was so strong. but i kept composed and sang with all my heart. what a wonderful experience, my heart soared and the spirit burned so brightly in. i'm glad i was there.

closing door
last week i mentioned jana being at church. she was here again, i didn't notice her until we were on our last verse. but i kept singing. I wondered why she was here, now i know. She's here for her old boyfriend. the one who had broken her heart, twice now. i suppose a part of me had hoped she might feel something toward me. but no. i was wrong. I need to close the door on this. i need to move on. i made that mistake with Rachel and with sarah, and with lenora. she doesn't feel anything for me. It will take time, but i need to keep working on my evasive techniques so that i won't be near her. one word from her and my heart soars, which is why i need to stay away, eventually that feeling with fade, it's been 5 months and i've noticed it changing. if she is going to be going back to our ward with this fellow, i don't find myself staying in the ward much longer. I have rarely ever made a spiritual connection with anyone, then i find her, only to lose her. I can't be near when she falls in love with him further and i have to witness it every sunday. i don't have that strength. I know in time, maybe, just maybe i'll find someone else that touches me in that way, that fills the depth of my soul with the sound of joy and gladness. I suppose time will tell. but fact is i need to close this door and walk away. and remember the important things i life, that joy i feel in the gospel, that cheer i feel with my friends.

non-dancing fool

What a weekend of busy-ness. so much going on this weekend that i didn't even have time to watch any movies i really wanted to watch.

FRIDAY
Evening at the park
I love the girls in our ward, they are so much fun and they are quite active. tonight we got invited to have a birthday party/bbq for a few girls in the ward. We met at sugarhouse park and had a nice time visiting. no one brought any games, we spent most of the time talking, eating, and watching our waistlines grow. very fun evening, except for the exploding firewood. luckily no casualties. I gave up my chance to see the movie UP to go to the party, it was well worth my time.

SATURDAY morning
run
I had run thursday evening to get in some heat training and about died. usually i can get 6 to 8 miles without any water, during the cold or early morning, before i get dehydrated enough to need water. On thursday i ran 3 miles and was out, by my 4th mile i was about to drop, It wasn't that hot about 85, but because i ran most of the winter outdoors, my body was used to the cooler weather and worked like crazy to keep my body temp from overheating. this morning, i got about mile 2 and felt dizzy, saw stars and about freaked, i walked a bit, and kept going when i got my faculties back. I got to my 5th mile and i felt better, but my knee started to hurt again, so pulled back my pace. by mile 6 i called it and went home. transitions are always difficult, though i'm glad to run without having on my arctic gear, too much heat can be very hard. Still, it was a pleasant morning and just glad i didn't keel over.

temple
Our ward had a temple sealing session this morning also. I had not done a sealing session since my last day on my mission in the phillipines. But it was a great experience and convinced me all the more, no matter how great the lady is, I will marry only in the temple, not just for myself, but the benefit of our marriage, for the benefit of our children. I want my children to be born under the covenant, so when we teach them of temple marriage and keeping the commandments, we might set an example for them that has meaning, hopefully, helping them in their own choices to follow heavenly Father's plan and also marry in the temple. As i Knelt at the altar and helped to do this work for the departed, i could feel the spirit of their acceptance of this wonderful gift, that children can be sealed to their parents, that husband and wife can be sealed not just for time, but also for all eternity. this is one of the most beautiful teachings that the church has, and to be part of that, is amazing, a unique blessing from heaven.

SATURDAY night
truck pickup
I've been so fortunate to have the use of Adrian's truck to do my dances. I have enough equipment that a truck is very necessary. I don't mind the drive to provo to pick it up. I enjoy the drive down, as long as the traffic isn't too bad. Still, the highway brings out the crazies, people who think they can drive, but very clearly don't. my biggest concern are the slow guys who travel in the fast lane and don't move over when they have a whole train of people following after them. it is an unwritten road rule that people in that lane as a courtesy should move over and allow people to get by them. Not enough people do that. why is it so hard for people to just be nice. I was just thankful and blessed to get off the highway without incident.

thedance
I was dj'ing a dance, at the parley's stake building. first dance in a while, not since january, but this was a tri-ward dance and so expecting a crowd. I had purchased a new light and a new stand. plus a new fog machine. I didn't use it much that night since i didn't want to set off the fire alarms. still, we moved the dj stand to the west end middle of the floor, which i loved, it helped me not to use so much of my amp to travel the length of the floor and the subs on the floor absolutely added bass to the floors vibrations. Before i started i said a prayer to help me with the dance. Dances for large groups are often difficult because so many people attend with a large variety of tastes in music. thankfully i was able to get a mix together that people enjoyed, Heaven does answer prayers. It was a fun night overall, Teresa kept me on my toes with my music selection, and for the most part, it looked as though people enjoyed themselves. People kept asking me when i was going to get out on the dance floor, i couldn't i needed to concentrate on the music, to keep it flowing. I ran and got some watermelon, on the way i danced with teresa for like 30 seconds, then back to the music, so i did dance, however briefly. I didn't play all the songs i wanted, but i think we played the songs everyone needed. it was a fun night. I didn't get to bed until 2am, after i had gotten all my equipment loaded and put away, i think i might need to look for help with this. just takes time and takes a tremendous amount of effort to get everything setup and taken down. still, it was worth it to see them enjoy themselves, and hopefully there were some hookups tonight. time will tell. Heaven answered my prayers about the music.

SUNDAY
church choir practice
I had gotten up early this morning to take my cousins truck back to him so when i got back it was almost 9, i still needed to put the ward email announcements out and get ready, I needed to clean up after the dance as my apartment was quite the mess. somehow i got it done. and got to choir practice on time. we are learning two songs, and we had the stake choir director, sister bennion come and direct us. The songs are coming along and I love how she directs us, to sing and remember the words we have available. had a good number attending, It was a great moment. I love singing, i'm a baritone, can't go too high, can't go too low, just right smack dab in the middle. it suits me. my tone is coming along, need to work on improving my strength, my volume and other dynamics that help a singer express the feelings of his heart. when i sing, i find comfort to my soul that helps me feel that i can be a better man.

heaven visits
For the second week in a row, Janna has come to church. and each time, she throws me into a fit of sorts. After her last email to me expressing the non-feelings for me and her giving her affections to another, i was much inclined not to speak to her for fear of making a fool of myself. I had expressed to her how much i had admired her and loved being with her, then to be turned away so abruptly, my heart was still in shambles. today was no exception, typically a girl distracting me is very normal, but she was heavenly this day. she wore a red dress i had never seen her wear before, I cannot express her gentle beauty. the fact she sat almost right in front me made her hard not to notice, i did everything to keep from getting eye contact with her. I kept my eyes in my cebuano book of mormon for most of the meeting. I couldn't help noticing everything about her. she cut her hair, she's more tanned. She was a vision. I don't know why she's here. She should be back east with her new boyfriend. I can't speak to her, it's hard enough to see her and i get all a-twitter. What makes it more difficult, is that I felt her spirit. and she touched mine in a way that few have ever done. that has made it hard to move on. but i know I need to. Why invest in something when the return is nothing, she feels nothing for me, there is no expected future prospects. yet, why am i so inclined to her. It might have helped to not have had that dream about her. I figure, i have two options. the only ways i have to be cured of her bewitchment over me. leave her be, she will meet the man she should marry, thus breaking my heart further, no, destroying it so that from it's ashes, might spring anew some other emotion, some other dream to follow. she needs to get married so that the virtues i honor and posses about marriage, will forever remove my hope of ever being with her. she will be happy, she'll have a solid home. she'll do fine without me. but still the hope i still bear, torments me. I long to be with her, yet cannot, to touch her hand, to dance with her. to see her smile. so much i don't know about her. it is hope that maybe some how something will change and she might want to be with me. But i am wrong, how can i think that, when she so clearly wrote me off as someone she could not love. later that night. i knelt in prayer, i thanked my Father in Heaven, for seeing her despite the difficulty of my pain. Seeing her is always a blessing, and that is something i should always be thankful for. i need to find hope in another dream.