Bright Spring Mornings

Four things happened to me this weekend.

Friday Night dance
I was very excited to get some dancing in this night. this past week had been rather difficult and I had a need to vent some of my frustrations on the dance floor. Ballroom dancing is so much fun, even more so when you have a partner that knows what is going on. fortunately on ballroom nights there are usually alot more girls than guys so finding a partner isn't too difficult. I got there a little late as i made a quick showing to my friend holly cox's graduation party. She is such an amazing woman, i'm glad i'm often on her good side. But getting to the dance, well for a change, we had more guys, so since they were just going through the foxtrot, a dance they did last time, i just sat this out for now. they had a good 30 to 40 couples already there and the soft couch was calling for me anyways. As i sat there, i noticed a new girl walk in, she reminded me of a girl on the show firefly. just blonder. then i saw kristin come in and they were together. Kristin is one of the fabulous dancers that goes there often. She's very pretty and so much fun. very friendly and i consider her a friend. She went with the girl and tried to get her caught on on how to dance the foxtrot. rather hard alone. she asked me if i knew, i said i did and we walked through the dance. Her name was Amy. and She was just beautiful. brown eyes, a smile that would stop anyone in their tracks. and when i held her hand, It just seemed so natural to hold her, like we fit perfectly for each other. I digress into something more. but, we walked through the dance steps and spent much of the next 45 minutes dancing with her, giving her little pointers, and she picked it up rather quickly. i'm sure she grew tired of being with just me, so i dancing with kristin again, she's had some training so we did a few more steps, for the next song, i got back with Amy and she was glad to be with someone who knew what to do, her words. She did great. she said she'll be signing up for more classes. I liked talking to her. she's an RM that served in greece and just graduated from BYU. yaayy, another member. not many members go to the dance classes, well single people anyways, they do have couples but they are married of course. then she mentioned that kristin, her cousin was also a member. I would have never guessed she was a member. my mistake for judgements. i'm bad at that. Kristin does dress too modestly, though she is beautiful, just never thought she was a member. But as the main dance started, i tended to drift away because, well, i didn't want to take up all her time, they were cousins. i hope to see her again. She was a most perfect woman. I mentioned to her she has a natural rhythm to her dancing. she was picking it up so quickly. I suppose time will tell. at least with all the drama i had faced lately, It is good to learn how to move on. that the heart can handle so much emotion. I don't think this will go anywhere, she is like so far out of my league. still, it was great dancing with her.

ward talent show
Saturday night we had our ward talent show. I was in charge of the sound so setup my sound system. I use a mackie mixing board, which can hold 8 mics. we had only setup 4. there is so much talent in our ward, singers and performers, it was an amazing fun night. we had singers, we had dancers, we even had a band. Problem with the band is that my mixer wasn't designed for instruments, more for voices. so we had a mix of our stuff and their stuff, and it turned out great. I can't remember their name, but they were great. Later big suprise was neil, was amazing, his voice and his guitar, just great. Rachel did awesome on her guitar as well, she had her friend Lynn serve as her mic stand. Juliann did a chacha dance. perhaps the highlight of the night was the bishopric. they got up in some swimsuits and did a synchronized swimming routine on the stage, with a large blue tarp serving as the water. They were so excited doing their routine that one got hurt, Curtis, he broke his wrist. he didn't show up the next day for ward council. But everyone had fun, good food, and friends. a perfect night.

Temple Surprise
For some reason, Saturday morning after my run, i was relaxing, recovering from the run and was getting my self prepared to go to the temple, all i could hear, in my mind was wait until 12 to go to the temple, do not go sooner, or later, leave at 12 noon. so, i made plans to leave at 12 for reasons unknown to me. I had been working at the genealogy library and had 3 names of my ancestors that needed their work done. I was planning on doing their baptisms and their initiatories that morning, but waited until 12. when i got there. I was being directed to the baptistry and then i saw him, Joseph Brown, from back in Shiprock. i did a double take and it was him. I have known him since he joined the church years ago. he had been dating a girl in our ward, barbara. The whole group of them i had know for a while. they have always been good friends. but since i live here, i don't keep in contact with them as much. he was in a hurry i said hi and he left, but i noticed he had on the pink slip to show he was there for his own endowments. then down the hall i saw her, barbara, i ran to meet them, hey what are you doing here. she was in tears, with her two daughters, just overjoyed, they had just been there to receive their endowments and then they were sealed together as a family. It was amazing to see them and i gave her a hug, they were wonderful. i had just caught them as they got out of the session. if i had come earlier, just even minutes earlier, i would have missed them and just a tad later, and the same thing, i would have missed them. I thank my Heavenly Father for helping me with my timing, that i might be there to celebrate in such a joyous event. I'm thankful i listened to the spirit's voice. Such a perfect moment.

Morning Run
This saturday morning, i was planning on running just 15 miles. I am training for the ogden marathon in 3 weeks. I got up early at 5:15. I could still hear the rain falling, I knew it would be cool, but still got ready. It was still dark when i left, but enough light that I could see the clouds in the sky. I got to my 3rd mile and noticed the difference in the trees. all green, thick foliage on most the underbrush with long shoots of grass all around. the smell was an amazing refreshment, and often reminds me of when all things were created, that first mist that settled on the Garden of Eden. the rain had stopped and i kept pressing forward. on my 8th mile i ran by some houses that had flowers, i missed that. with only running the winter, i had no smells, well no good smells to accompany, but here it was again. by mile 14 i was tired, but moved alot nicely. i usually finish my last mile in the park. spring was definitely here and declaring her power of the earth. such a perfect morning. I left a bit more tired, and thought my mileage was off, so i checked on my computer when i got home, i had run 16.25 miles, not the 15 i thought i had. still, i was happy to finish. I love having great weekends.

Tough Weekend

So glad to have made it past this week. For some reason it was just the toughest weekend I've had in a long time, well a week's worth of just difficulty. I found out a week and a half ago, a good friend of mine from high school just passed away. His name was Brett. He was our student body president and just one of those amazing souls you every now and then get to encounter. Always bright and never a bad word to say about him, he always spoke well of others and lifted others around him. You always felt like you were in his good graces when you were around him. Suddenly on the day before Easter, at a party his family was having he vomited, then passed out and then he was gone. They said he had a heart attack. he was fit, very active with the community and his family. Such a loss. He leaves behind a wife and four children. I'm so Thankful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ, that we know that we will live again, that despite the tragedies we face, we can find joy in our lives to lift us past the sorrows.
I attended his funeral on Friday April 17, My birthday. It was held up in Eden, Utah. only about a 65 minute drive there from my place in Murray. The whole way there, it was hard to think positive. Today was my birthday, yet here i am at this time of great sorrow. the chapel was already pretty full when i got there so i sat right at the partition area that divides the chapel and the gym. Saw alot of friends from high school. some i had missed from our 20 year reunion late last year. It was amazing to see debbie again, still as beautiful as ever, an amazing daughter of Zion. I'm so glad she's my friend. then saw christy, another amazing woman. So talented, so very honest, just think the best of her. They are also the best mothers. Saw heather, about then mike and his wife becky came up to say hi, and mention my birthday, i didn't want to mention it, this day was about bret, but then i saw heather's face, she just felt to bad for me. Here was my birthday and i'm at a funeral. Saw kurt, so cool. he's a funny guy. The funeral went well, Great speakers, wonderful collection of homages to a great man. He lived great and I feel he set a wonderful example for us to follow in living our lives to the fullest, to have no regrets in how we conduct ourselves. in the end, what really matters, is family and friends, and living worthy to return back to the presence of our Heavenly Father. Afterwards, i went to heather to make sure it was ok, gave her a hug, she wished me a happy birthday, i said thanks. today was about brett, things were ok. i didn't have the heart to go to the gravesite, so i went home. I listened to the Mormon Tabernacle choir on the way back, just kept listening to My shephard will supply my need. we sang it for our choir a few weeks back and i know the men's part very well, and i just sang my heart out and cried, over and over again. my way of handling my grief.
I didn't really celebrate my birthday, my heart just wasn't in it. today was about bret and it just felt wrong to celebrate when i felt so much sorrow inside. i kept it quiet, mostly kept at home and rested. I did go to eat out, but still, not in the mood, so as part of my birthday i bought some icecream. I know, wild and crazy, but it really was all i felt i could do.
Earlier in the week, i finally got a message from the girl i had been talking about. needed to get it straight about how things were between us. I simply let her know, how i felt, and that if she felt otherwise, to please tell me, that it would hurt, but simply saying nothing was the greatest pain for me. She let me know she had found someone else, and she had no romantic feelings for me. she said she realized she had broken my heart, and then after that, her words were in a way to try and cheer me up, but it didn't have that effect. instead it felt that she joyed in my sorrow. perhaps her way of getting closure on her last boyfriend who had dumped her. In my letter i said that all she had to do was tell me and that i would never bother her again on the matter, and i never shall. she said she would still like to go hang out and do some dancing, but i can't do that. I can't pretend what i felt wasn't real and then hang out in casual acquaintance. the moment i touch her hand, or hear her voice, all emotion will flood back and engulf me. no, I cannot be near her, and now i understand, why things end. Why they can't be the same. I know i'll find someone else, Just takes time to get to that point. it isn't something i can just turn on and off, like a switch, i know my heart doesnt' act that way. I never made much of an impression on her and so she doesn't have much to move away from. So we have trials, difficulties that we face, just part of life, just hope i can weather these storms. Such a hard week.
now, to the one bright spot. I ran in the salt lake city half marathon Saturday. Such a perfect morning, not too cold, not too hot, there was a slight overcast and kept wind out of the picture. I ran my goal which was to finish under 2 hours, I finished at 1:58.22, woohoo. so excited, when i saw the time at the end, i just kicked it. my first race running healthy and first race i ran all the way, except for one pit stop at mile 10, I really had to pee from mile 2 but held it as much as i could, but 10 was it, needed to get to the bathroom. They changed the course a little bit so at mile 12, it was an uphill through state street to west temple. an uphill at the end of the race, and it was gradual enough to give you plenty of opportunities to stop, but i didn't, i slowed down, but i pressed forward. and finished, that is the best part of the race, finishing. when you cross that line, that sense of accomplishment, and amazing feeling. i was beaming. I didn't care about the finishers medal, i wasn't doing it for anyone but my own goal. So this makes my 6th half marathon to date, i've still got 2 more to do this year, and hopefully i can get in 2 marathons. these are my goals. this was a good day, even if my quads are sore. it was a great end to a very bad week. I'm glad i finished my race.

true warmth

There have been a few times in my life, when the Spirit of God has descended upon me, like a huge warm blanket that envelopes the soul. The first time i ever recall feeling that way was when i a child and was reading the bible. The book had illustrations as part of its teaching and it had this picture of Jesus surrounded by the children, the look of love upon his face and his great concern to their welfare came at a time when i was deep under the throes of physical and mental abuse from my step-father. I remember the spirit resting upon me and comforting me, testifying to me that these things were true. that there was a God that loved me and cared for me, i was probably 8 years old. Later, much later, i felt that same spirit when i received the melchezekek priesthood. So much power was manifested that day that all those involved with my ordination, were filled with the spirit of God, all were in tears and i felt my soul swarmed about the with the fires of Heaven. I had such an amazing experience. Then again, i felt the spirit and his power when i went to the temple to take out my endowments. that experience i will not speak of, it is very sacred. should i ever meet you in the temple and you should ask me, if the spirit directs i would share this with you.
Earlier this month, I went with our ward to the bountiful temple for our monthly temple trip. i had not been to the bountiful temple in a number of years, yet, here i was, and only got lost once getting there. but after i parked the car and walked nearer the temple, the spirit again, visited me, and i felt the spirit envelope me again, and fill my heart with such power, i felt i were to be consumed on the spot. I went through a session, a normal session. nothing else happened outside of that, but i remember, I remember how the spirit has on occassion visited me not only to help me, but to testify of certain things, of the power of the priesthood, of the divinity of Jesus christ, of the power of the endowment, and of the wonderful power of the temple. Something special about the bountiful temple, i feel, this place will have some bearing in my future, perhaps where i will marry in the temple, but of a certainty, i believe the holiness of the temple and i find myself renewed in my efforts to keep all the commandments of God and live true and faithful so that i might receive all that the Father has for us as his children.
I know not, why God has seen fit on occassion to bless me so abundantly, when so many around me never receive such experiences. I feel humbled that i might, even for those moments, find grace at his hand that mercy carries me from my present troubles and cares, to a place much closer to his love and protection. I am truly grateful for his friendship.