Tough Weekend

So glad to have made it past this week. For some reason it was just the toughest weekend I've had in a long time, well a week's worth of just difficulty. I found out a week and a half ago, a good friend of mine from high school just passed away. His name was Brett. He was our student body president and just one of those amazing souls you every now and then get to encounter. Always bright and never a bad word to say about him, he always spoke well of others and lifted others around him. You always felt like you were in his good graces when you were around him. Suddenly on the day before Easter, at a party his family was having he vomited, then passed out and then he was gone. They said he had a heart attack. he was fit, very active with the community and his family. Such a loss. He leaves behind a wife and four children. I'm so Thankful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ, that we know that we will live again, that despite the tragedies we face, we can find joy in our lives to lift us past the sorrows.
I attended his funeral on Friday April 17, My birthday. It was held up in Eden, Utah. only about a 65 minute drive there from my place in Murray. The whole way there, it was hard to think positive. Today was my birthday, yet here i am at this time of great sorrow. the chapel was already pretty full when i got there so i sat right at the partition area that divides the chapel and the gym. Saw alot of friends from high school. some i had missed from our 20 year reunion late last year. It was amazing to see debbie again, still as beautiful as ever, an amazing daughter of Zion. I'm so glad she's my friend. then saw christy, another amazing woman. So talented, so very honest, just think the best of her. They are also the best mothers. Saw heather, about then mike and his wife becky came up to say hi, and mention my birthday, i didn't want to mention it, this day was about bret, but then i saw heather's face, she just felt to bad for me. Here was my birthday and i'm at a funeral. Saw kurt, so cool. he's a funny guy. The funeral went well, Great speakers, wonderful collection of homages to a great man. He lived great and I feel he set a wonderful example for us to follow in living our lives to the fullest, to have no regrets in how we conduct ourselves. in the end, what really matters, is family and friends, and living worthy to return back to the presence of our Heavenly Father. Afterwards, i went to heather to make sure it was ok, gave her a hug, she wished me a happy birthday, i said thanks. today was about brett, things were ok. i didn't have the heart to go to the gravesite, so i went home. I listened to the Mormon Tabernacle choir on the way back, just kept listening to My shephard will supply my need. we sang it for our choir a few weeks back and i know the men's part very well, and i just sang my heart out and cried, over and over again. my way of handling my grief.
I didn't really celebrate my birthday, my heart just wasn't in it. today was about bret and it just felt wrong to celebrate when i felt so much sorrow inside. i kept it quiet, mostly kept at home and rested. I did go to eat out, but still, not in the mood, so as part of my birthday i bought some icecream. I know, wild and crazy, but it really was all i felt i could do.
Earlier in the week, i finally got a message from the girl i had been talking about. needed to get it straight about how things were between us. I simply let her know, how i felt, and that if she felt otherwise, to please tell me, that it would hurt, but simply saying nothing was the greatest pain for me. She let me know she had found someone else, and she had no romantic feelings for me. she said she realized she had broken my heart, and then after that, her words were in a way to try and cheer me up, but it didn't have that effect. instead it felt that she joyed in my sorrow. perhaps her way of getting closure on her last boyfriend who had dumped her. In my letter i said that all she had to do was tell me and that i would never bother her again on the matter, and i never shall. she said she would still like to go hang out and do some dancing, but i can't do that. I can't pretend what i felt wasn't real and then hang out in casual acquaintance. the moment i touch her hand, or hear her voice, all emotion will flood back and engulf me. no, I cannot be near her, and now i understand, why things end. Why they can't be the same. I know i'll find someone else, Just takes time to get to that point. it isn't something i can just turn on and off, like a switch, i know my heart doesnt' act that way. I never made much of an impression on her and so she doesn't have much to move away from. So we have trials, difficulties that we face, just part of life, just hope i can weather these storms. Such a hard week.
now, to the one bright spot. I ran in the salt lake city half marathon Saturday. Such a perfect morning, not too cold, not too hot, there was a slight overcast and kept wind out of the picture. I ran my goal which was to finish under 2 hours, I finished at 1:58.22, woohoo. so excited, when i saw the time at the end, i just kicked it. my first race running healthy and first race i ran all the way, except for one pit stop at mile 10, I really had to pee from mile 2 but held it as much as i could, but 10 was it, needed to get to the bathroom. They changed the course a little bit so at mile 12, it was an uphill through state street to west temple. an uphill at the end of the race, and it was gradual enough to give you plenty of opportunities to stop, but i didn't, i slowed down, but i pressed forward. and finished, that is the best part of the race, finishing. when you cross that line, that sense of accomplishment, and amazing feeling. i was beaming. I didn't care about the finishers medal, i wasn't doing it for anyone but my own goal. So this makes my 6th half marathon to date, i've still got 2 more to do this year, and hopefully i can get in 2 marathons. these are my goals. this was a good day, even if my quads are sore. it was a great end to a very bad week. I'm glad i finished my race.