Ok. i know. very long time since i actually wrote a blog. there have been several reasons that explain my absence. First was time, I am now in graduate school working on getting my MBA and that, along with working full time has put a bit of a pinch on my time. I've worked in out so that i can still do things. just not as much as i was doing before. I love the courses, and love that I can begin to expand my mind again, especially in something that I think I have a lack in proficiency.
second. I have not written in a while due to a girl. have written about her. and things did not go as I had hoped. My problem was giving too much of my heart to her, and getting very hurt in the process. Jumped in too much and regret making that choice. but live and learn. needless to say it took a while for me to see heart again, and get back what i had given. I see her at church now and again, but do all i can do avoid the awkwardness. Just doesn't seem right to pretend to talk to someone that you don't want to talk to. She was so callous about the whole thing. Getting back on the horse was much harder than i thought it would be. But at least now i'm looking.
third. I really don't know what to blog about. so much happens to me. but it seems all over. a blog really needs to be about something. but mine it just more like a journal than anything else and then i feel conflicted because i feel like i need to write things down in a journal than type things down. still trying to work that out. hopefully as time goes on. i'll probably be doing a little bit of both.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Bear Lake Half
I ran the Bear lake half marathon this weekend.
drive up
The drive up takes just over 80 minutes to get to logan, another 40 minutes to get to bear lake. I was careful to get my hotel room first so that i could get the cheaper rate. this year there were plenty of rooms available. They build a new marriott down the street i was certain was taking up more customers. Still, Going up the canyon this year at least was more familiar and was so afraid of all the twists and turns.
green forest green everything
So much rain has fallen over the past few months. So amazing, i will always look at rain as a blessing. This year the foliage was amazing, pure, pull of life. every plant and tree, looked greener, fuller. as though they basked in the joy of natures bounties. I almost ran off the road several times gazing at the beauty. I love the rain for that reason, that it is a source of life. I have a problem with weather men and their assessment of rain as bad weather and how quickly they change when it doesn't rain enough, they call it dire and horrible at that point, that the heavens are closed, yet when it rains again, they call it bad again. Why is it so hard for people to see the good in what God has blessed them with. We live in a desert, rain is a blessing. always will be, even the mountains agree with me.
good run.
Got up at 4:15am to drive to bear lake to get on the bus. they had them there already when i got there at 5:20. didn't leave till 5:50, then got to the location early and waited until 7:30 before they actually started the run. not sure why they waited to long, they changed the course a bit this year just extended it up along the lake a bit more. they capped the race at 400 people and it sold out quickly. much like Ogden, which sold out in feb, this one also sold out quickly. everthing started out fine. the change in altitude didn't affect me until 3rd mile, but just one of those things that you just have to press on with. there were plenty of mosquitoes and storm clouds. they also had plenty of wind and it was very cold. these were perfect conditions. my knee started hurting at mile 5, just a little but enough to have me slow down. i started up the hill and at around mile 8 it hurt again, but this time wouldn't go away. still i kept going.
new friends
one thing i love about running in these races are the people I get to meet along the way. Sometimes they are friendly others just ignore you, which is ok. rude, but ok. met a girl named emily at the start, her first half. She was nice, great her husband was going to meet her at the end. great to have a goal to run for. then bruce. i met him before, great guy, he was running and he has a great stride, much faster than I. another gentleman, 72 years old, runnig his 7th half marathon for the year. This was my 7th half over all. i was impressed with him. we talked alot along the way. infact he helped me finish. another girl i didn't get her name, but she helped me up the hill. She was also in her first half marathon, came up from Orem. getting married in August, very nice, talking with her helped me through the hill and the pain.
finish in style
My knee hurt so badly at mile 12, but wasn't about to stop, i slowed but i kept going, by then the altitude got back to me, my muscles needed oxygen, not enough at that altitude, but i pushed forward. i could see the finish line and tried to hide my limping, and finished in style, which means i wasn't grimacing, wasn't showboating, just kept a strong stride and finished. Felt great, as all finishing lines feel to cross, felt great. my favorite part, is just after wards, that feeling that i had done it, and can restnow. can't wait to run next year.
sore evening
Because of how i pushed it toward the end, my knee rebelled. after my long drive home, i could barely walk, in fact bending my knee wasn't possible. so walking up the stairs, one step at at time hurt badly. i stretched, got some ibuprofen and rested. later i went to a party at Rachel's house, alot of great people and they are great friends. I left because of the soreness. just relaxed in my pain for the evening.
sunday rain.
Got up sunday morning, pain decreased by about 90 percent. it was a little tight, but i could walk without wincing. the rains came again. the trees around my condo are so full of leaves and a rich green color. amazing. i love mornings like these.
church again
Church was great. Rachel, other rachel got released from Relief Society. She was in that calling for a long time. Rachel is timeless and beautiful. I'm glad she's my friend. They were refinishing the gym floor and so we couldn't fit the people we needed inside. so they had people sit in the choir seats, chairs in the aisles and all outside in the foyer. i was asked to pass the sacrament, which is always an honor. i saw that jana again visited, this time with her boyfriend from back east. I don't know why she is coming here, she has her own ward, my guess is to show him off. so not the people i thought she was. I know that they had broken communication for whatever reason, i know that is why she was visiting the ward. then she had rich last week. perhaps getting cozy. my own reasoning, he came back to utah, to make amends. she took him back. She was very cozy in his arms. She seems happy. even if i don't like it, if she's happy, then that's the way it's going to be. I know in my dream, everything so far, has come true about her and with him. all i have to do is stay away, i have a promise from the Lord she'll be ok. I will keep away and i'll be ok with it, later when i got home, i felt the peace and joy of the spirit move me so deeply, i'm fine, i can move on, it'll be ok. my time will come when i hope to find a righteous woman i can take to the temple and be married. I look forward with hope to that day. i'll keep hoping and not lose myself to despair. my race isn't over yet.
drive up
The drive up takes just over 80 minutes to get to logan, another 40 minutes to get to bear lake. I was careful to get my hotel room first so that i could get the cheaper rate. this year there were plenty of rooms available. They build a new marriott down the street i was certain was taking up more customers. Still, Going up the canyon this year at least was more familiar and was so afraid of all the twists and turns.
green forest green everything
So much rain has fallen over the past few months. So amazing, i will always look at rain as a blessing. This year the foliage was amazing, pure, pull of life. every plant and tree, looked greener, fuller. as though they basked in the joy of natures bounties. I almost ran off the road several times gazing at the beauty. I love the rain for that reason, that it is a source of life. I have a problem with weather men and their assessment of rain as bad weather and how quickly they change when it doesn't rain enough, they call it dire and horrible at that point, that the heavens are closed, yet when it rains again, they call it bad again. Why is it so hard for people to see the good in what God has blessed them with. We live in a desert, rain is a blessing. always will be, even the mountains agree with me.
good run.
Got up at 4:15am to drive to bear lake to get on the bus. they had them there already when i got there at 5:20. didn't leave till 5:50, then got to the location early and waited until 7:30 before they actually started the run. not sure why they waited to long, they changed the course a bit this year just extended it up along the lake a bit more. they capped the race at 400 people and it sold out quickly. much like Ogden, which sold out in feb, this one also sold out quickly. everthing started out fine. the change in altitude didn't affect me until 3rd mile, but just one of those things that you just have to press on with. there were plenty of mosquitoes and storm clouds. they also had plenty of wind and it was very cold. these were perfect conditions. my knee started hurting at mile 5, just a little but enough to have me slow down. i started up the hill and at around mile 8 it hurt again, but this time wouldn't go away. still i kept going.
new friends
one thing i love about running in these races are the people I get to meet along the way. Sometimes they are friendly others just ignore you, which is ok. rude, but ok. met a girl named emily at the start, her first half. She was nice, great her husband was going to meet her at the end. great to have a goal to run for. then bruce. i met him before, great guy, he was running and he has a great stride, much faster than I. another gentleman, 72 years old, runnig his 7th half marathon for the year. This was my 7th half over all. i was impressed with him. we talked alot along the way. infact he helped me finish. another girl i didn't get her name, but she helped me up the hill. She was also in her first half marathon, came up from Orem. getting married in August, very nice, talking with her helped me through the hill and the pain.
finish in style
My knee hurt so badly at mile 12, but wasn't about to stop, i slowed but i kept going, by then the altitude got back to me, my muscles needed oxygen, not enough at that altitude, but i pushed forward. i could see the finish line and tried to hide my limping, and finished in style, which means i wasn't grimacing, wasn't showboating, just kept a strong stride and finished. Felt great, as all finishing lines feel to cross, felt great. my favorite part, is just after wards, that feeling that i had done it, and can restnow. can't wait to run next year.
sore evening
Because of how i pushed it toward the end, my knee rebelled. after my long drive home, i could barely walk, in fact bending my knee wasn't possible. so walking up the stairs, one step at at time hurt badly. i stretched, got some ibuprofen and rested. later i went to a party at Rachel's house, alot of great people and they are great friends. I left because of the soreness. just relaxed in my pain for the evening.
sunday rain.
Got up sunday morning, pain decreased by about 90 percent. it was a little tight, but i could walk without wincing. the rains came again. the trees around my condo are so full of leaves and a rich green color. amazing. i love mornings like these.
church again
Church was great. Rachel, other rachel got released from Relief Society. She was in that calling for a long time. Rachel is timeless and beautiful. I'm glad she's my friend. They were refinishing the gym floor and so we couldn't fit the people we needed inside. so they had people sit in the choir seats, chairs in the aisles and all outside in the foyer. i was asked to pass the sacrament, which is always an honor. i saw that jana again visited, this time with her boyfriend from back east. I don't know why she is coming here, she has her own ward, my guess is to show him off. so not the people i thought she was. I know that they had broken communication for whatever reason, i know that is why she was visiting the ward. then she had rich last week. perhaps getting cozy. my own reasoning, he came back to utah, to make amends. she took him back. She was very cozy in his arms. She seems happy. even if i don't like it, if she's happy, then that's the way it's going to be. I know in my dream, everything so far, has come true about her and with him. all i have to do is stay away, i have a promise from the Lord she'll be ok. I will keep away and i'll be ok with it, later when i got home, i felt the peace and joy of the spirit move me so deeply, i'm fine, i can move on, it'll be ok. my time will come when i hope to find a righteous woman i can take to the temple and be married. I look forward with hope to that day. i'll keep hoping and not lose myself to despair. my race isn't over yet.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Stake Conference Weekend
So much going on this weekend
party dusty
My friend Angela organized a group of us to go to this gaming place called Boondocks. Sounded like fun to i went. They had all sorts of video games, lazer tag, gocarts, miniature golf, water rides, hitting cages. it was a fun place. we had a group deal and a large number of us went. Problem was the weeather, earlier in the day a large low pressure system came through and just lifted dust from the desert and covered the sky with a cloudy mist of dirt and gunk. This made it hard to play minature golf, especially the cross breeze it was creating, still it was fun and i totally kicked but playing ms pacman.
salsa dancing
I left the above activity early to go salsa dancing. I find i am actually improving on my salsa moves, especially leading. I do get a lot of complements on that fact i lead very well. i blame my ballroom background on this. It does make it easy to work with a lady when they know what you are going. It was a fun night. i honestly have more fun watching, because there are so many different styles of salsa alot of dancers have their own take on the moves they do and can get rather creative. I usually just dance with girls from my class, easier to work with them when they are on the same level i am. i need to learn more dance moves. i left after the tango presentation, i sat on the floor and this girl named sasha sat next to me. i let her know i thought she was a great dancer, which she was, she had been dancing salsa for 3 years now, she moved over from the east coast to be near her friends. she is very pretty and nice enough to chat. maybe one day i'll be on her level of dancing. not that night.
morning run
got up about 5:15am to get my run in. again, a beautiful morning. the gunk from friday was completely gone and the air was clean. i ran my 7 mile course near cottonwood high school. i run near this house i never noticed had flowers, and they were in blossum this morning, just beatuiful and i couldn't stopmyself from keeping my pace, i had to observe this site. i love that about running. so many things i hadn't noticed before. well, got to my 8th mile and my knee started hurting, but kept going, just slowed a bit, got to mile 9 and called, so did a run walk on my warm down, still got in my 10 miles, but i feel like a slacker, with my knee hurt, not sure how well i'm going to run next weeks half marathon. I will try to do my best, don't want to back out now.
morning choir practice
I ran early this morning so i might catch our 2 hour stake choir practice, i like sister bennion, she's an amazing woman. I like how she brings us all together and she has a certain style about her in presenting her music. So much passion in her attention and i love her method of instruction. such a great woman. we sang two songs. behold the woulds in jesus hands, and Redeemer of israel. both good songs, in fact we have a male split and we baritones actually get a change to sing out. It was a great practice.
evening session
our visiting authority is elder m. russell ballard of the quorum of the twelve apostles. He spoke about teaching the principles of the gospel and the inpact that will have on those around us if we can just get the basics down. he spoke of how people need to be able to teach these things if we are to be effective in our membership. great evening, i ended this with a peach sundae from Arctic circle. i tradition i learned from the edwards family and still carry on today even though it is by myself, so many things i appreciate them teaching me. they will always be wonderful to me.
movie UP
earlier in the day i went to watch the movie up. such a great movie. i give it 4 thumbs up. my two thumbs and my 2 big toes. great movie, good plot, great tension and a wonderful message. my favorite part is the scenes with him and his wife. i think that is how love is, like the kid in the movie, he said i know it's boring, but i think that is what makes it work it, the boring stuff we have every day that makes like amazing with someone else. paraphrased. they spoke of adventure and how the two had an amazing adventure. i dream of that day. when i'll have my adventure with someone else, to live our lives together and teach our children great things, to fill our lives with the joys the gospel can bring. I love that movie, can't wait to either watch it again, or by the dvd when it comes out.
early morning sunday practice
one last practive and everything i thought went great, it was very rainy this morning as a cold front had come in. there was snow in the upper elevations and that rarely happens, snow in june. but this is utah and the weather is strange. sister bennion finished our practice with her testimony, what an amazing woman, i'm glad to know her.
closing session
all our singing went great. our stake president talked about discipleship, how there are disiples, such as the apostles, and disciples who are followers of christ. that we can be better at the way we live our lives in keeping his commandments and serve the best ways we can. president sorenson spoke on hands. how so many times in the scriptures hands reveal so much, in service, in giving blessings, in work, so important in our happiness. and then elder ballard, pointed his message on how we need to be quiet, how we get so involved in activities and distractions that we miss the important things, the spiritual things, that we need to endure and keep the commandments regardless the adversity. He spoke of a time he gave a blessing to a young girl who had a terminal illness, a family had asked him to come and bless her. he spoke with them and found they had great faith as a family and in the power of the temple. when he gave his blessing, the words to heal her didn't come. i'm sure he wanted to, but it wasn't according to the Lords' will. i've had to give a blessing like that. where the spirit said, it was his time, he was older, not young like this lady, but we blessed him that the pain would leave him and he would leave in a manner that wouldn't hurt him. it was a hard blessing, i know how the apostle felt. at the end we sang the song of jesus and beholding his wounds. the spirit was so strong. but i kept composed and sang with all my heart. what a wonderful experience, my heart soared and the spirit burned so brightly in. i'm glad i was there.
closing door
last week i mentioned jana being at church. she was here again, i didn't notice her until we were on our last verse. but i kept singing. I wondered why she was here, now i know. She's here for her old boyfriend. the one who had broken her heart, twice now. i suppose a part of me had hoped she might feel something toward me. but no. i was wrong. I need to close the door on this. i need to move on. i made that mistake with Rachel and with sarah, and with lenora. she doesn't feel anything for me. It will take time, but i need to keep working on my evasive techniques so that i won't be near her. one word from her and my heart soars, which is why i need to stay away, eventually that feeling with fade, it's been 5 months and i've noticed it changing. if she is going to be going back to our ward with this fellow, i don't find myself staying in the ward much longer. I have rarely ever made a spiritual connection with anyone, then i find her, only to lose her. I can't be near when she falls in love with him further and i have to witness it every sunday. i don't have that strength. I know in time, maybe, just maybe i'll find someone else that touches me in that way, that fills the depth of my soul with the sound of joy and gladness. I suppose time will tell. but fact is i need to close this door and walk away. and remember the important things i life, that joy i feel in the gospel, that cheer i feel with my friends.
party dusty
My friend Angela organized a group of us to go to this gaming place called Boondocks. Sounded like fun to i went. They had all sorts of video games, lazer tag, gocarts, miniature golf, water rides, hitting cages. it was a fun place. we had a group deal and a large number of us went. Problem was the weeather, earlier in the day a large low pressure system came through and just lifted dust from the desert and covered the sky with a cloudy mist of dirt and gunk. This made it hard to play minature golf, especially the cross breeze it was creating, still it was fun and i totally kicked but playing ms pacman.
salsa dancing
I left the above activity early to go salsa dancing. I find i am actually improving on my salsa moves, especially leading. I do get a lot of complements on that fact i lead very well. i blame my ballroom background on this. It does make it easy to work with a lady when they know what you are going. It was a fun night. i honestly have more fun watching, because there are so many different styles of salsa alot of dancers have their own take on the moves they do and can get rather creative. I usually just dance with girls from my class, easier to work with them when they are on the same level i am. i need to learn more dance moves. i left after the tango presentation, i sat on the floor and this girl named sasha sat next to me. i let her know i thought she was a great dancer, which she was, she had been dancing salsa for 3 years now, she moved over from the east coast to be near her friends. she is very pretty and nice enough to chat. maybe one day i'll be on her level of dancing. not that night.
morning run
got up about 5:15am to get my run in. again, a beautiful morning. the gunk from friday was completely gone and the air was clean. i ran my 7 mile course near cottonwood high school. i run near this house i never noticed had flowers, and they were in blossum this morning, just beatuiful and i couldn't stopmyself from keeping my pace, i had to observe this site. i love that about running. so many things i hadn't noticed before. well, got to my 8th mile and my knee started hurting, but kept going, just slowed a bit, got to mile 9 and called, so did a run walk on my warm down, still got in my 10 miles, but i feel like a slacker, with my knee hurt, not sure how well i'm going to run next weeks half marathon. I will try to do my best, don't want to back out now.
morning choir practice
I ran early this morning so i might catch our 2 hour stake choir practice, i like sister bennion, she's an amazing woman. I like how she brings us all together and she has a certain style about her in presenting her music. So much passion in her attention and i love her method of instruction. such a great woman. we sang two songs. behold the woulds in jesus hands, and Redeemer of israel. both good songs, in fact we have a male split and we baritones actually get a change to sing out. It was a great practice.
evening session
our visiting authority is elder m. russell ballard of the quorum of the twelve apostles. He spoke about teaching the principles of the gospel and the inpact that will have on those around us if we can just get the basics down. he spoke of how people need to be able to teach these things if we are to be effective in our membership. great evening, i ended this with a peach sundae from Arctic circle. i tradition i learned from the edwards family and still carry on today even though it is by myself, so many things i appreciate them teaching me. they will always be wonderful to me.
movie UP
earlier in the day i went to watch the movie up. such a great movie. i give it 4 thumbs up. my two thumbs and my 2 big toes. great movie, good plot, great tension and a wonderful message. my favorite part is the scenes with him and his wife. i think that is how love is, like the kid in the movie, he said i know it's boring, but i think that is what makes it work it, the boring stuff we have every day that makes like amazing with someone else. paraphrased. they spoke of adventure and how the two had an amazing adventure. i dream of that day. when i'll have my adventure with someone else, to live our lives together and teach our children great things, to fill our lives with the joys the gospel can bring. I love that movie, can't wait to either watch it again, or by the dvd when it comes out.
early morning sunday practice
one last practive and everything i thought went great, it was very rainy this morning as a cold front had come in. there was snow in the upper elevations and that rarely happens, snow in june. but this is utah and the weather is strange. sister bennion finished our practice with her testimony, what an amazing woman, i'm glad to know her.
closing session
all our singing went great. our stake president talked about discipleship, how there are disiples, such as the apostles, and disciples who are followers of christ. that we can be better at the way we live our lives in keeping his commandments and serve the best ways we can. president sorenson spoke on hands. how so many times in the scriptures hands reveal so much, in service, in giving blessings, in work, so important in our happiness. and then elder ballard, pointed his message on how we need to be quiet, how we get so involved in activities and distractions that we miss the important things, the spiritual things, that we need to endure and keep the commandments regardless the adversity. He spoke of a time he gave a blessing to a young girl who had a terminal illness, a family had asked him to come and bless her. he spoke with them and found they had great faith as a family and in the power of the temple. when he gave his blessing, the words to heal her didn't come. i'm sure he wanted to, but it wasn't according to the Lords' will. i've had to give a blessing like that. where the spirit said, it was his time, he was older, not young like this lady, but we blessed him that the pain would leave him and he would leave in a manner that wouldn't hurt him. it was a hard blessing, i know how the apostle felt. at the end we sang the song of jesus and beholding his wounds. the spirit was so strong. but i kept composed and sang with all my heart. what a wonderful experience, my heart soared and the spirit burned so brightly in. i'm glad i was there.
closing door
last week i mentioned jana being at church. she was here again, i didn't notice her until we were on our last verse. but i kept singing. I wondered why she was here, now i know. She's here for her old boyfriend. the one who had broken her heart, twice now. i suppose a part of me had hoped she might feel something toward me. but no. i was wrong. I need to close the door on this. i need to move on. i made that mistake with Rachel and with sarah, and with lenora. she doesn't feel anything for me. It will take time, but i need to keep working on my evasive techniques so that i won't be near her. one word from her and my heart soars, which is why i need to stay away, eventually that feeling with fade, it's been 5 months and i've noticed it changing. if she is going to be going back to our ward with this fellow, i don't find myself staying in the ward much longer. I have rarely ever made a spiritual connection with anyone, then i find her, only to lose her. I can't be near when she falls in love with him further and i have to witness it every sunday. i don't have that strength. I know in time, maybe, just maybe i'll find someone else that touches me in that way, that fills the depth of my soul with the sound of joy and gladness. I suppose time will tell. but fact is i need to close this door and walk away. and remember the important things i life, that joy i feel in the gospel, that cheer i feel with my friends.
Monday, June 1, 2009
non-dancing fool
What a weekend of busy-ness. so much going on this weekend that i didn't even have time to watch any movies i really wanted to watch.
FRIDAY
Evening at the park
I love the girls in our ward, they are so much fun and they are quite active. tonight we got invited to have a birthday party/bbq for a few girls in the ward. We met at sugarhouse park and had a nice time visiting. no one brought any games, we spent most of the time talking, eating, and watching our waistlines grow. very fun evening, except for the exploding firewood. luckily no casualties. I gave up my chance to see the movie UP to go to the party, it was well worth my time.
SATURDAY morning
run
I had run thursday evening to get in some heat training and about died. usually i can get 6 to 8 miles without any water, during the cold or early morning, before i get dehydrated enough to need water. On thursday i ran 3 miles and was out, by my 4th mile i was about to drop, It wasn't that hot about 85, but because i ran most of the winter outdoors, my body was used to the cooler weather and worked like crazy to keep my body temp from overheating. this morning, i got about mile 2 and felt dizzy, saw stars and about freaked, i walked a bit, and kept going when i got my faculties back. I got to my 5th mile and i felt better, but my knee started to hurt again, so pulled back my pace. by mile 6 i called it and went home. transitions are always difficult, though i'm glad to run without having on my arctic gear, too much heat can be very hard. Still, it was a pleasant morning and just glad i didn't keel over.
temple
Our ward had a temple sealing session this morning also. I had not done a sealing session since my last day on my mission in the phillipines. But it was a great experience and convinced me all the more, no matter how great the lady is, I will marry only in the temple, not just for myself, but the benefit of our marriage, for the benefit of our children. I want my children to be born under the covenant, so when we teach them of temple marriage and keeping the commandments, we might set an example for them that has meaning, hopefully, helping them in their own choices to follow heavenly Father's plan and also marry in the temple. As i Knelt at the altar and helped to do this work for the departed, i could feel the spirit of their acceptance of this wonderful gift, that children can be sealed to their parents, that husband and wife can be sealed not just for time, but also for all eternity. this is one of the most beautiful teachings that the church has, and to be part of that, is amazing, a unique blessing from heaven.
SATURDAY night
truck pickup
I've been so fortunate to have the use of Adrian's truck to do my dances. I have enough equipment that a truck is very necessary. I don't mind the drive to provo to pick it up. I enjoy the drive down, as long as the traffic isn't too bad. Still, the highway brings out the crazies, people who think they can drive, but very clearly don't. my biggest concern are the slow guys who travel in the fast lane and don't move over when they have a whole train of people following after them. it is an unwritten road rule that people in that lane as a courtesy should move over and allow people to get by them. Not enough people do that. why is it so hard for people to just be nice. I was just thankful and blessed to get off the highway without incident.
thedance
I was dj'ing a dance, at the parley's stake building. first dance in a while, not since january, but this was a tri-ward dance and so expecting a crowd. I had purchased a new light and a new stand. plus a new fog machine. I didn't use it much that night since i didn't want to set off the fire alarms. still, we moved the dj stand to the west end middle of the floor, which i loved, it helped me not to use so much of my amp to travel the length of the floor and the subs on the floor absolutely added bass to the floors vibrations. Before i started i said a prayer to help me with the dance. Dances for large groups are often difficult because so many people attend with a large variety of tastes in music. thankfully i was able to get a mix together that people enjoyed, Heaven does answer prayers. It was a fun night overall, Teresa kept me on my toes with my music selection, and for the most part, it looked as though people enjoyed themselves. People kept asking me when i was going to get out on the dance floor, i couldn't i needed to concentrate on the music, to keep it flowing. I ran and got some watermelon, on the way i danced with teresa for like 30 seconds, then back to the music, so i did dance, however briefly. I didn't play all the songs i wanted, but i think we played the songs everyone needed. it was a fun night. I didn't get to bed until 2am, after i had gotten all my equipment loaded and put away, i think i might need to look for help with this. just takes time and takes a tremendous amount of effort to get everything setup and taken down. still, it was worth it to see them enjoy themselves, and hopefully there were some hookups tonight. time will tell. Heaven answered my prayers about the music.
SUNDAY
church choir practice
I had gotten up early this morning to take my cousins truck back to him so when i got back it was almost 9, i still needed to put the ward email announcements out and get ready, I needed to clean up after the dance as my apartment was quite the mess. somehow i got it done. and got to choir practice on time. we are learning two songs, and we had the stake choir director, sister bennion come and direct us. The songs are coming along and I love how she directs us, to sing and remember the words we have available. had a good number attending, It was a great moment. I love singing, i'm a baritone, can't go too high, can't go too low, just right smack dab in the middle. it suits me. my tone is coming along, need to work on improving my strength, my volume and other dynamics that help a singer express the feelings of his heart. when i sing, i find comfort to my soul that helps me feel that i can be a better man.
heaven visits
For the second week in a row, Janna has come to church. and each time, she throws me into a fit of sorts. After her last email to me expressing the non-feelings for me and her giving her affections to another, i was much inclined not to speak to her for fear of making a fool of myself. I had expressed to her how much i had admired her and loved being with her, then to be turned away so abruptly, my heart was still in shambles. today was no exception, typically a girl distracting me is very normal, but she was heavenly this day. she wore a red dress i had never seen her wear before, I cannot express her gentle beauty. the fact she sat almost right in front me made her hard not to notice, i did everything to keep from getting eye contact with her. I kept my eyes in my cebuano book of mormon for most of the meeting. I couldn't help noticing everything about her. she cut her hair, she's more tanned. She was a vision. I don't know why she's here. She should be back east with her new boyfriend. I can't speak to her, it's hard enough to see her and i get all a-twitter. What makes it more difficult, is that I felt her spirit. and she touched mine in a way that few have ever done. that has made it hard to move on. but i know I need to. Why invest in something when the return is nothing, she feels nothing for me, there is no expected future prospects. yet, why am i so inclined to her. It might have helped to not have had that dream about her. I figure, i have two options. the only ways i have to be cured of her bewitchment over me. leave her be, she will meet the man she should marry, thus breaking my heart further, no, destroying it so that from it's ashes, might spring anew some other emotion, some other dream to follow. she needs to get married so that the virtues i honor and posses about marriage, will forever remove my hope of ever being with her. she will be happy, she'll have a solid home. she'll do fine without me. but still the hope i still bear, torments me. I long to be with her, yet cannot, to touch her hand, to dance with her. to see her smile. so much i don't know about her. it is hope that maybe some how something will change and she might want to be with me. But i am wrong, how can i think that, when she so clearly wrote me off as someone she could not love. later that night. i knelt in prayer, i thanked my Father in Heaven, for seeing her despite the difficulty of my pain. Seeing her is always a blessing, and that is something i should always be thankful for. i need to find hope in another dream.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
My 4th marathon
I was able to reach my latest running goal, finish a marathon under 5 hours. I did that last week for the Ogden marathon. my finishing time 4: 52. Such an awesome feeling. Every marathon i've run so far i've had to run with some strange injury that occurs the weeks preceding the race. Like some kind of running curse. Still, i've finished all the races i've run. this is my 4th marathon, the first time running Ogden. The Reviews for Ogden were tops and they were right. This was such a well organized raced, from checkin to crossing the finish line.
Early morning wakeup
Ok, 3:45 in the morning is early by anyone's standards. the buses were scheduled to leave at 5am, but parking for over 1500 runners tends to go away quickly so i needed to get there at 4:30 to get a good place to park. I found a place by the DMV parking and trotted on my way to the buses a few blocks away. everyone walking to the buses looked groggy and the wind from the south wasn't making things easier. We boarded an old school bus and got under way. all the buses started up the canyon at the same time, went in one long train. So awesome to wakeup before the sun arrives. I'm not a morning person, but i do live a great sunrise. We got past Eden and then the windows fogged up. very cold outside. We got to 13 miles outside Eden at a park and they already had the firebins setup. this was at 5:55am, we still had over an hour left before the start of the run. so everyone just huddle together and did the best they could to stay warm.
start of race
Here was the start, 7am, everyone got to the finish line. as i walked past the pace signs, mine got larger and larger, from 6 minute per miles to 7 to 8, till got to 10 minutes. here was my group. we all looked like we were casual runners and we were, i like fitting in. more people crowded behind me, but with the start of every race, there are jitters, no matter how seasoned you are, you have the feeling inside and gets to your stomach. the shot went off, but it was still 3minutes before i actually got to the start line. Again, alot of people. only thought in my head: here we go again.
first half of run
Getting into a rhythm is probably the most important start for a long run. not only mentally, but physically your body gets into that motion of movement that helps it run long enough to endure the entire race. that is how things felt for my first 4 miles, i had just over a 9 minute pace, and kept it, at mile 5 i started to feel my energy start to give, had my first power bar and my first Gu packet, energy now back and start back again. same thing, but this time at mile 8.5 started feeling again so slowed down just a tad, dropped to a 10 minute pace and held that, then i ran into someone at work, i knew there were people at work there just so many people that i couldn't find them. so we talked for a bit, then just chatted with people along the way. at mile 11 found another person we talked until mile 13. she was running the relay portion with her husband. great talking, She went at a slower pace than I but was fun talking, so my pace dropped a bit, still, it wasn't so much about how fast as it was finishing. at the half way point alot of people dropped off for the relay. new faces to recognize.
2nd half of the race.
the first hill happened just at mile 14. heading toward Ogden and It was quite the hill for about half a mile. This was too much for me so did a walk/run up the hill, which actually helped me conserve my energy. Once i got to the top, i felt my second gear kick in and had plenty of strength to go much faster. It started going down hill again. at mile 15 they had another powerbar station, picked one, but it was really kind of dry, once i put it in my mouth my stomach seized around it and I about dropped, bad powerbar. by mile 17 i was hurting and half about to throw up. i needed food and water, but could barely keep it down. my muscles started hurting at this point. in fact, two weeks ago at a ward activity i fell into a hole playing ultimate frisbee. landed right on my knee and bruised it on the side on my left knee. i could still walk, even run, but it was still tender going into the run. at mile 18, it started hurting badly. had to slow down alot. dropped my pace to 14 minutes, had no choice but to do a run until it hurt, then walk, most of this was downhill so was ready for it. so kept going, i could usually go about 1/4 mile before it would get bad, but just kept going. by the time i got out of the canyon at mile 23, i was relieved i had come this far so i picked up my pace, still doing the run walking, but pushing the pain aside, i just pushed it faster, my muscles were out of rhythm so it took time, i was certain my time was over 5.5 hours, but still kept going, even half mile out from the finish line, i so wanted to just hoof it, knee wouldn't let me, running any faster and it would start to buckle. so ran as best as i could practically limping, at 100 yards, i could see the finish line, it was under 5, just just gutted it out and got my goal.
finish line
There is something so pleasant about the finish line, not so much the crowds still there cheering, or the fact that you can stop running and get food and whatnot. but crossing that line, somehow something inside you changes. It has happened every race. I think this is what drives me to run all the races i run. I don't care about coming in first, i know running when i am older, speed isn't the biggest issue. finishing and finishing well is the best kind of goal to have in any endeavor one pursues.
overall the Ogden marathon has been the best of all the ones of done before. Very well organized. Each station had plenty of food and water, every location had friendly and helpful people, and I felt like i was part of a group of friends rather than running by myself. They even had bags of ice for each person at the finish. I definitely want to do this again next year. The scenery was also very nice, most of the run was through the canyons. Even up in Eden, most of that farmland, all so very green, it wasn't too hot, wasn't too cold. just perfect. coming into Ogden at mile 23, you change and run along the river trail, which is covered with trees and bypasses all the major streets. out of 5 stars i'd give this a 5. My next run is just a half marathon, the bear lake half, then i'm up in the air about which one to do next. This will be my 7th half marathon. I have graduate school coming up and need to get focused on preparing for this 2-year run in my life. should be interesting.
Early morning wakeup
Ok, 3:45 in the morning is early by anyone's standards. the buses were scheduled to leave at 5am, but parking for over 1500 runners tends to go away quickly so i needed to get there at 4:30 to get a good place to park. I found a place by the DMV parking and trotted on my way to the buses a few blocks away. everyone walking to the buses looked groggy and the wind from the south wasn't making things easier. We boarded an old school bus and got under way. all the buses started up the canyon at the same time, went in one long train. So awesome to wakeup before the sun arrives. I'm not a morning person, but i do live a great sunrise. We got past Eden and then the windows fogged up. very cold outside. We got to 13 miles outside Eden at a park and they already had the firebins setup. this was at 5:55am, we still had over an hour left before the start of the run. so everyone just huddle together and did the best they could to stay warm.
start of race
Here was the start, 7am, everyone got to the finish line. as i walked past the pace signs, mine got larger and larger, from 6 minute per miles to 7 to 8, till got to 10 minutes. here was my group. we all looked like we were casual runners and we were, i like fitting in. more people crowded behind me, but with the start of every race, there are jitters, no matter how seasoned you are, you have the feeling inside and gets to your stomach. the shot went off, but it was still 3minutes before i actually got to the start line. Again, alot of people. only thought in my head: here we go again.
first half of run
Getting into a rhythm is probably the most important start for a long run. not only mentally, but physically your body gets into that motion of movement that helps it run long enough to endure the entire race. that is how things felt for my first 4 miles, i had just over a 9 minute pace, and kept it, at mile 5 i started to feel my energy start to give, had my first power bar and my first Gu packet, energy now back and start back again. same thing, but this time at mile 8.5 started feeling again so slowed down just a tad, dropped to a 10 minute pace and held that, then i ran into someone at work, i knew there were people at work there just so many people that i couldn't find them. so we talked for a bit, then just chatted with people along the way. at mile 11 found another person we talked until mile 13. she was running the relay portion with her husband. great talking, She went at a slower pace than I but was fun talking, so my pace dropped a bit, still, it wasn't so much about how fast as it was finishing. at the half way point alot of people dropped off for the relay. new faces to recognize.
2nd half of the race.
the first hill happened just at mile 14. heading toward Ogden and It was quite the hill for about half a mile. This was too much for me so did a walk/run up the hill, which actually helped me conserve my energy. Once i got to the top, i felt my second gear kick in and had plenty of strength to go much faster. It started going down hill again. at mile 15 they had another powerbar station, picked one, but it was really kind of dry, once i put it in my mouth my stomach seized around it and I about dropped, bad powerbar. by mile 17 i was hurting and half about to throw up. i needed food and water, but could barely keep it down. my muscles started hurting at this point. in fact, two weeks ago at a ward activity i fell into a hole playing ultimate frisbee. landed right on my knee and bruised it on the side on my left knee. i could still walk, even run, but it was still tender going into the run. at mile 18, it started hurting badly. had to slow down alot. dropped my pace to 14 minutes, had no choice but to do a run until it hurt, then walk, most of this was downhill so was ready for it. so kept going, i could usually go about 1/4 mile before it would get bad, but just kept going. by the time i got out of the canyon at mile 23, i was relieved i had come this far so i picked up my pace, still doing the run walking, but pushing the pain aside, i just pushed it faster, my muscles were out of rhythm so it took time, i was certain my time was over 5.5 hours, but still kept going, even half mile out from the finish line, i so wanted to just hoof it, knee wouldn't let me, running any faster and it would start to buckle. so ran as best as i could practically limping, at 100 yards, i could see the finish line, it was under 5, just just gutted it out and got my goal.
finish line
There is something so pleasant about the finish line, not so much the crowds still there cheering, or the fact that you can stop running and get food and whatnot. but crossing that line, somehow something inside you changes. It has happened every race. I think this is what drives me to run all the races i run. I don't care about coming in first, i know running when i am older, speed isn't the biggest issue. finishing and finishing well is the best kind of goal to have in any endeavor one pursues.
overall the Ogden marathon has been the best of all the ones of done before. Very well organized. Each station had plenty of food and water, every location had friendly and helpful people, and I felt like i was part of a group of friends rather than running by myself. They even had bags of ice for each person at the finish. I definitely want to do this again next year. The scenery was also very nice, most of the run was through the canyons. Even up in Eden, most of that farmland, all so very green, it wasn't too hot, wasn't too cold. just perfect. coming into Ogden at mile 23, you change and run along the river trail, which is covered with trees and bypasses all the major streets. out of 5 stars i'd give this a 5. My next run is just a half marathon, the bear lake half, then i'm up in the air about which one to do next. This will be my 7th half marathon. I have graduate school coming up and need to get focused on preparing for this 2-year run in my life. should be interesting.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Bright Spring Mornings
Four things happened to me this weekend.
Friday Night dance
I was very excited to get some dancing in this night. this past week had been rather difficult and I had a need to vent some of my frustrations on the dance floor. Ballroom dancing is so much fun, even more so when you have a partner that knows what is going on. fortunately on ballroom nights there are usually alot more girls than guys so finding a partner isn't too difficult. I got there a little late as i made a quick showing to my friend holly cox's graduation party. She is such an amazing woman, i'm glad i'm often on her good side. But getting to the dance, well for a change, we had more guys, so since they were just going through the foxtrot, a dance they did last time, i just sat this out for now. they had a good 30 to 40 couples already there and the soft couch was calling for me anyways. As i sat there, i noticed a new girl walk in, she reminded me of a girl on the show firefly. just blonder. then i saw kristin come in and they were together. Kristin is one of the fabulous dancers that goes there often. She's very pretty and so much fun. very friendly and i consider her a friend. She went with the girl and tried to get her caught on on how to dance the foxtrot. rather hard alone. she asked me if i knew, i said i did and we walked through the dance. Her name was Amy. and She was just beautiful. brown eyes, a smile that would stop anyone in their tracks. and when i held her hand, It just seemed so natural to hold her, like we fit perfectly for each other. I digress into something more. but, we walked through the dance steps and spent much of the next 45 minutes dancing with her, giving her little pointers, and she picked it up rather quickly. i'm sure she grew tired of being with just me, so i dancing with kristin again, she's had some training so we did a few more steps, for the next song, i got back with Amy and she was glad to be with someone who knew what to do, her words. She did great. she said she'll be signing up for more classes. I liked talking to her. she's an RM that served in greece and just graduated from BYU. yaayy, another member. not many members go to the dance classes, well single people anyways, they do have couples but they are married of course. then she mentioned that kristin, her cousin was also a member. I would have never guessed she was a member. my mistake for judgements. i'm bad at that. Kristin does dress too modestly, though she is beautiful, just never thought she was a member. But as the main dance started, i tended to drift away because, well, i didn't want to take up all her time, they were cousins. i hope to see her again. She was a most perfect woman. I mentioned to her she has a natural rhythm to her dancing. she was picking it up so quickly. I suppose time will tell. at least with all the drama i had faced lately, It is good to learn how to move on. that the heart can handle so much emotion. I don't think this will go anywhere, she is like so far out of my league. still, it was great dancing with her.
ward talent show
Saturday night we had our ward talent show. I was in charge of the sound so setup my sound system. I use a mackie mixing board, which can hold 8 mics. we had only setup 4. there is so much talent in our ward, singers and performers, it was an amazing fun night. we had singers, we had dancers, we even had a band. Problem with the band is that my mixer wasn't designed for instruments, more for voices. so we had a mix of our stuff and their stuff, and it turned out great. I can't remember their name, but they were great. Later big suprise was neil, was amazing, his voice and his guitar, just great. Rachel did awesome on her guitar as well, she had her friend Lynn serve as her mic stand. Juliann did a chacha dance. perhaps the highlight of the night was the bishopric. they got up in some swimsuits and did a synchronized swimming routine on the stage, with a large blue tarp serving as the water. They were so excited doing their routine that one got hurt, Curtis, he broke his wrist. he didn't show up the next day for ward council. But everyone had fun, good food, and friends. a perfect night.
Temple Surprise
For some reason, Saturday morning after my run, i was relaxing, recovering from the run and was getting my self prepared to go to the temple, all i could hear, in my mind was wait until 12 to go to the temple, do not go sooner, or later, leave at 12 noon. so, i made plans to leave at 12 for reasons unknown to me. I had been working at the genealogy library and had 3 names of my ancestors that needed their work done. I was planning on doing their baptisms and their initiatories that morning, but waited until 12. when i got there. I was being directed to the baptistry and then i saw him, Joseph Brown, from back in Shiprock. i did a double take and it was him. I have known him since he joined the church years ago. he had been dating a girl in our ward, barbara. The whole group of them i had know for a while. they have always been good friends. but since i live here, i don't keep in contact with them as much. he was in a hurry i said hi and he left, but i noticed he had on the pink slip to show he was there for his own endowments. then down the hall i saw her, barbara, i ran to meet them, hey what are you doing here. she was in tears, with her two daughters, just overjoyed, they had just been there to receive their endowments and then they were sealed together as a family. It was amazing to see them and i gave her a hug, they were wonderful. i had just caught them as they got out of the session. if i had come earlier, just even minutes earlier, i would have missed them and just a tad later, and the same thing, i would have missed them. I thank my Heavenly Father for helping me with my timing, that i might be there to celebrate in such a joyous event. I'm thankful i listened to the spirit's voice. Such a perfect moment.
Morning Run
This saturday morning, i was planning on running just 15 miles. I am training for the ogden marathon in 3 weeks. I got up early at 5:15. I could still hear the rain falling, I knew it would be cool, but still got ready. It was still dark when i left, but enough light that I could see the clouds in the sky. I got to my 3rd mile and noticed the difference in the trees. all green, thick foliage on most the underbrush with long shoots of grass all around. the smell was an amazing refreshment, and often reminds me of when all things were created, that first mist that settled on the Garden of Eden. the rain had stopped and i kept pressing forward. on my 8th mile i ran by some houses that had flowers, i missed that. with only running the winter, i had no smells, well no good smells to accompany, but here it was again. by mile 14 i was tired, but moved alot nicely. i usually finish my last mile in the park. spring was definitely here and declaring her power of the earth. such a perfect morning. I left a bit more tired, and thought my mileage was off, so i checked on my computer when i got home, i had run 16.25 miles, not the 15 i thought i had. still, i was happy to finish. I love having great weekends.
Friday Night dance
I was very excited to get some dancing in this night. this past week had been rather difficult and I had a need to vent some of my frustrations on the dance floor. Ballroom dancing is so much fun, even more so when you have a partner that knows what is going on. fortunately on ballroom nights there are usually alot more girls than guys so finding a partner isn't too difficult. I got there a little late as i made a quick showing to my friend holly cox's graduation party. She is such an amazing woman, i'm glad i'm often on her good side. But getting to the dance, well for a change, we had more guys, so since they were just going through the foxtrot, a dance they did last time, i just sat this out for now. they had a good 30 to 40 couples already there and the soft couch was calling for me anyways. As i sat there, i noticed a new girl walk in, she reminded me of a girl on the show firefly. just blonder. then i saw kristin come in and they were together. Kristin is one of the fabulous dancers that goes there often. She's very pretty and so much fun. very friendly and i consider her a friend. She went with the girl and tried to get her caught on on how to dance the foxtrot. rather hard alone. she asked me if i knew, i said i did and we walked through the dance. Her name was Amy. and She was just beautiful. brown eyes, a smile that would stop anyone in their tracks. and when i held her hand, It just seemed so natural to hold her, like we fit perfectly for each other. I digress into something more. but, we walked through the dance steps and spent much of the next 45 minutes dancing with her, giving her little pointers, and she picked it up rather quickly. i'm sure she grew tired of being with just me, so i dancing with kristin again, she's had some training so we did a few more steps, for the next song, i got back with Amy and she was glad to be with someone who knew what to do, her words. She did great. she said she'll be signing up for more classes. I liked talking to her. she's an RM that served in greece and just graduated from BYU. yaayy, another member. not many members go to the dance classes, well single people anyways, they do have couples but they are married of course. then she mentioned that kristin, her cousin was also a member. I would have never guessed she was a member. my mistake for judgements. i'm bad at that. Kristin does dress too modestly, though she is beautiful, just never thought she was a member. But as the main dance started, i tended to drift away because, well, i didn't want to take up all her time, they were cousins. i hope to see her again. She was a most perfect woman. I mentioned to her she has a natural rhythm to her dancing. she was picking it up so quickly. I suppose time will tell. at least with all the drama i had faced lately, It is good to learn how to move on. that the heart can handle so much emotion. I don't think this will go anywhere, she is like so far out of my league. still, it was great dancing with her.
ward talent show
Saturday night we had our ward talent show. I was in charge of the sound so setup my sound system. I use a mackie mixing board, which can hold 8 mics. we had only setup 4. there is so much talent in our ward, singers and performers, it was an amazing fun night. we had singers, we had dancers, we even had a band. Problem with the band is that my mixer wasn't designed for instruments, more for voices. so we had a mix of our stuff and their stuff, and it turned out great. I can't remember their name, but they were great. Later big suprise was neil, was amazing, his voice and his guitar, just great. Rachel did awesome on her guitar as well, she had her friend Lynn serve as her mic stand. Juliann did a chacha dance. perhaps the highlight of the night was the bishopric. they got up in some swimsuits and did a synchronized swimming routine on the stage, with a large blue tarp serving as the water. They were so excited doing their routine that one got hurt, Curtis, he broke his wrist. he didn't show up the next day for ward council. But everyone had fun, good food, and friends. a perfect night.
Temple Surprise
For some reason, Saturday morning after my run, i was relaxing, recovering from the run and was getting my self prepared to go to the temple, all i could hear, in my mind was wait until 12 to go to the temple, do not go sooner, or later, leave at 12 noon. so, i made plans to leave at 12 for reasons unknown to me. I had been working at the genealogy library and had 3 names of my ancestors that needed their work done. I was planning on doing their baptisms and their initiatories that morning, but waited until 12. when i got there. I was being directed to the baptistry and then i saw him, Joseph Brown, from back in Shiprock. i did a double take and it was him. I have known him since he joined the church years ago. he had been dating a girl in our ward, barbara. The whole group of them i had know for a while. they have always been good friends. but since i live here, i don't keep in contact with them as much. he was in a hurry i said hi and he left, but i noticed he had on the pink slip to show he was there for his own endowments. then down the hall i saw her, barbara, i ran to meet them, hey what are you doing here. she was in tears, with her two daughters, just overjoyed, they had just been there to receive their endowments and then they were sealed together as a family. It was amazing to see them and i gave her a hug, they were wonderful. i had just caught them as they got out of the session. if i had come earlier, just even minutes earlier, i would have missed them and just a tad later, and the same thing, i would have missed them. I thank my Heavenly Father for helping me with my timing, that i might be there to celebrate in such a joyous event. I'm thankful i listened to the spirit's voice. Such a perfect moment.
Morning Run
This saturday morning, i was planning on running just 15 miles. I am training for the ogden marathon in 3 weeks. I got up early at 5:15. I could still hear the rain falling, I knew it would be cool, but still got ready. It was still dark when i left, but enough light that I could see the clouds in the sky. I got to my 3rd mile and noticed the difference in the trees. all green, thick foliage on most the underbrush with long shoots of grass all around. the smell was an amazing refreshment, and often reminds me of when all things were created, that first mist that settled on the Garden of Eden. the rain had stopped and i kept pressing forward. on my 8th mile i ran by some houses that had flowers, i missed that. with only running the winter, i had no smells, well no good smells to accompany, but here it was again. by mile 14 i was tired, but moved alot nicely. i usually finish my last mile in the park. spring was definitely here and declaring her power of the earth. such a perfect morning. I left a bit more tired, and thought my mileage was off, so i checked on my computer when i got home, i had run 16.25 miles, not the 15 i thought i had. still, i was happy to finish. I love having great weekends.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Tough Weekend
So glad to have made it past this week. For some reason it was just the toughest weekend I've had in a long time, well a week's worth of just difficulty. I found out a week and a half ago, a good friend of mine from high school just passed away. His name was Brett. He was our student body president and just one of those amazing souls you every now and then get to encounter. Always bright and never a bad word to say about him, he always spoke well of others and lifted others around him. You always felt like you were in his good graces when you were around him. Suddenly on the day before Easter, at a party his family was having he vomited, then passed out and then he was gone. They said he had a heart attack. he was fit, very active with the community and his family. Such a loss. He leaves behind a wife and four children. I'm so Thankful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ, that we know that we will live again, that despite the tragedies we face, we can find joy in our lives to lift us past the sorrows.
I attended his funeral on Friday April 17, My birthday. It was held up in Eden, Utah. only about a 65 minute drive there from my place in Murray. The whole way there, it was hard to think positive. Today was my birthday, yet here i am at this time of great sorrow. the chapel was already pretty full when i got there so i sat right at the partition area that divides the chapel and the gym. Saw alot of friends from high school. some i had missed from our 20 year reunion late last year. It was amazing to see debbie again, still as beautiful as ever, an amazing daughter of Zion. I'm so glad she's my friend. then saw christy, another amazing woman. So talented, so very honest, just think the best of her. They are also the best mothers. Saw heather, about then mike and his wife becky came up to say hi, and mention my birthday, i didn't want to mention it, this day was about bret, but then i saw heather's face, she just felt to bad for me. Here was my birthday and i'm at a funeral. Saw kurt, so cool. he's a funny guy. The funeral went well, Great speakers, wonderful collection of homages to a great man. He lived great and I feel he set a wonderful example for us to follow in living our lives to the fullest, to have no regrets in how we conduct ourselves. in the end, what really matters, is family and friends, and living worthy to return back to the presence of our Heavenly Father. Afterwards, i went to heather to make sure it was ok, gave her a hug, she wished me a happy birthday, i said thanks. today was about brett, things were ok. i didn't have the heart to go to the gravesite, so i went home. I listened to the Mormon Tabernacle choir on the way back, just kept listening to My shephard will supply my need. we sang it for our choir a few weeks back and i know the men's part very well, and i just sang my heart out and cried, over and over again. my way of handling my grief.
I didn't really celebrate my birthday, my heart just wasn't in it. today was about bret and it just felt wrong to celebrate when i felt so much sorrow inside. i kept it quiet, mostly kept at home and rested. I did go to eat out, but still, not in the mood, so as part of my birthday i bought some icecream. I know, wild and crazy, but it really was all i felt i could do.
Earlier in the week, i finally got a message from the girl i had been talking about. needed to get it straight about how things were between us. I simply let her know, how i felt, and that if she felt otherwise, to please tell me, that it would hurt, but simply saying nothing was the greatest pain for me. She let me know she had found someone else, and she had no romantic feelings for me. she said she realized she had broken my heart, and then after that, her words were in a way to try and cheer me up, but it didn't have that effect. instead it felt that she joyed in my sorrow. perhaps her way of getting closure on her last boyfriend who had dumped her. In my letter i said that all she had to do was tell me and that i would never bother her again on the matter, and i never shall. she said she would still like to go hang out and do some dancing, but i can't do that. I can't pretend what i felt wasn't real and then hang out in casual acquaintance. the moment i touch her hand, or hear her voice, all emotion will flood back and engulf me. no, I cannot be near her, and now i understand, why things end. Why they can't be the same. I know i'll find someone else, Just takes time to get to that point. it isn't something i can just turn on and off, like a switch, i know my heart doesnt' act that way. I never made much of an impression on her and so she doesn't have much to move away from. So we have trials, difficulties that we face, just part of life, just hope i can weather these storms. Such a hard week.
now, to the one bright spot. I ran in the salt lake city half marathon Saturday. Such a perfect morning, not too cold, not too hot, there was a slight overcast and kept wind out of the picture. I ran my goal which was to finish under 2 hours, I finished at 1:58.22, woohoo. so excited, when i saw the time at the end, i just kicked it. my first race running healthy and first race i ran all the way, except for one pit stop at mile 10, I really had to pee from mile 2 but held it as much as i could, but 10 was it, needed to get to the bathroom. They changed the course a little bit so at mile 12, it was an uphill through state street to west temple. an uphill at the end of the race, and it was gradual enough to give you plenty of opportunities to stop, but i didn't, i slowed down, but i pressed forward. and finished, that is the best part of the race, finishing. when you cross that line, that sense of accomplishment, and amazing feeling. i was beaming. I didn't care about the finishers medal, i wasn't doing it for anyone but my own goal. So this makes my 6th half marathon to date, i've still got 2 more to do this year, and hopefully i can get in 2 marathons. these are my goals. this was a good day, even if my quads are sore. it was a great end to a very bad week. I'm glad i finished my race.
I attended his funeral on Friday April 17, My birthday. It was held up in Eden, Utah. only about a 65 minute drive there from my place in Murray. The whole way there, it was hard to think positive. Today was my birthday, yet here i am at this time of great sorrow. the chapel was already pretty full when i got there so i sat right at the partition area that divides the chapel and the gym. Saw alot of friends from high school. some i had missed from our 20 year reunion late last year. It was amazing to see debbie again, still as beautiful as ever, an amazing daughter of Zion. I'm so glad she's my friend. then saw christy, another amazing woman. So talented, so very honest, just think the best of her. They are also the best mothers. Saw heather, about then mike and his wife becky came up to say hi, and mention my birthday, i didn't want to mention it, this day was about bret, but then i saw heather's face, she just felt to bad for me. Here was my birthday and i'm at a funeral. Saw kurt, so cool. he's a funny guy. The funeral went well, Great speakers, wonderful collection of homages to a great man. He lived great and I feel he set a wonderful example for us to follow in living our lives to the fullest, to have no regrets in how we conduct ourselves. in the end, what really matters, is family and friends, and living worthy to return back to the presence of our Heavenly Father. Afterwards, i went to heather to make sure it was ok, gave her a hug, she wished me a happy birthday, i said thanks. today was about brett, things were ok. i didn't have the heart to go to the gravesite, so i went home. I listened to the Mormon Tabernacle choir on the way back, just kept listening to My shephard will supply my need. we sang it for our choir a few weeks back and i know the men's part very well, and i just sang my heart out and cried, over and over again. my way of handling my grief.
I didn't really celebrate my birthday, my heart just wasn't in it. today was about bret and it just felt wrong to celebrate when i felt so much sorrow inside. i kept it quiet, mostly kept at home and rested. I did go to eat out, but still, not in the mood, so as part of my birthday i bought some icecream. I know, wild and crazy, but it really was all i felt i could do.
Earlier in the week, i finally got a message from the girl i had been talking about. needed to get it straight about how things were between us. I simply let her know, how i felt, and that if she felt otherwise, to please tell me, that it would hurt, but simply saying nothing was the greatest pain for me. She let me know she had found someone else, and she had no romantic feelings for me. she said she realized she had broken my heart, and then after that, her words were in a way to try and cheer me up, but it didn't have that effect. instead it felt that she joyed in my sorrow. perhaps her way of getting closure on her last boyfriend who had dumped her. In my letter i said that all she had to do was tell me and that i would never bother her again on the matter, and i never shall. she said she would still like to go hang out and do some dancing, but i can't do that. I can't pretend what i felt wasn't real and then hang out in casual acquaintance. the moment i touch her hand, or hear her voice, all emotion will flood back and engulf me. no, I cannot be near her, and now i understand, why things end. Why they can't be the same. I know i'll find someone else, Just takes time to get to that point. it isn't something i can just turn on and off, like a switch, i know my heart doesnt' act that way. I never made much of an impression on her and so she doesn't have much to move away from. So we have trials, difficulties that we face, just part of life, just hope i can weather these storms. Such a hard week.
now, to the one bright spot. I ran in the salt lake city half marathon Saturday. Such a perfect morning, not too cold, not too hot, there was a slight overcast and kept wind out of the picture. I ran my goal which was to finish under 2 hours, I finished at 1:58.22, woohoo. so excited, when i saw the time at the end, i just kicked it. my first race running healthy and first race i ran all the way, except for one pit stop at mile 10, I really had to pee from mile 2 but held it as much as i could, but 10 was it, needed to get to the bathroom. They changed the course a little bit so at mile 12, it was an uphill through state street to west temple. an uphill at the end of the race, and it was gradual enough to give you plenty of opportunities to stop, but i didn't, i slowed down, but i pressed forward. and finished, that is the best part of the race, finishing. when you cross that line, that sense of accomplishment, and amazing feeling. i was beaming. I didn't care about the finishers medal, i wasn't doing it for anyone but my own goal. So this makes my 6th half marathon to date, i've still got 2 more to do this year, and hopefully i can get in 2 marathons. these are my goals. this was a good day, even if my quads are sore. it was a great end to a very bad week. I'm glad i finished my race.
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